shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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