She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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