I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
