this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
