i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
