I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
