you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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