somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
