Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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