If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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