We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
