I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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