drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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