Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize