Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
