I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I need to stop coming to work sober
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
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Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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