So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
