i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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