I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
