I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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