dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
