I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
