True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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