This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We had sex on a dog bed..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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