Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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