Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Randomize
