"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Barsexuality is the new black.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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