Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
