i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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