You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.