So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
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Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
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There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.