Texts From Last Night

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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  kinda like you and your friends.

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  (931): dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny. (803): kinda like you and your friends. http://tfl.nu/yef0
  Replies (14) Good night (617) Bad night (2147)
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  (510): View more from California

  I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.

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  (510): I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend. http://tfl.nu/lprg
  Replies (10) Good night (5572) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  This show inspires me to have sex in space

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  (678): This show inspires me to have sex in space http://tfl.nu/vmc9
  Replies (24) Good night (4068) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.

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  (224): She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg. http://tfl.nu/1lfx
  Replies (11) Good night (3344) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  One blow job doesn not make me gay.

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  (813): One blow job doesn not make me gay. http://tfl.nu/ismv
  Replies (86) Good night (2781) Bad night (8273) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Now he's lighting his socks on fire

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  (920): Now he's lighting his socks on fire http://tfl.nu/p3kv
  Replies (9) Good night (2647) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  You insisted on take shots off of plates.

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  (417): You insisted on take shots off of plates. http://tfl.nu/pa2s
  Replies (5) Good night (1668) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina

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  (410): If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina http://tfl.nu/8dig
  Replies (28) Good night (1237) Bad night (2475) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.

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  (618): I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas. http://tfl.nu/yx8c
  Replies (13) Good night (3943) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  "Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Nope, his last birthday was.

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  (910): "Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right? (770): Nope, his last birthday was. http://tfl.nu/dk94
  Replies (5) Good night (1932) Bad night (477)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.

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  (908): No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability. http://tfl.nu/nqzp
  Replies (20) Good night (611) Bad night (2932) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Birthday success

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  (479): I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick. (870): Birthday success http://tfl.nu/9sf8
  Replies (4) Good night (1263) Bad night (431)
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  (530): View more from California

  Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.

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  (530): Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking. http://tfl.nu/uxvx
  Replies (4) Good night (338) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.

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  (310): I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you. http://tfl.nu/hk53
  Replies (5) Good night (894) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Who is our new insurance provider?

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  (978): FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning. (978): Who is our new insurance provider? http://tfl.nu/a2lj
  Replies (3) Good night (617) Bad night (163)

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