and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina