margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
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I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
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Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.