Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
