on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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