this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think my vagina is haunted
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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