They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
