Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
