and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
