idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
