i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
