THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
