he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you traded sex for a burrito?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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