this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
