i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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