someone owes me an orgasm
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
