I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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