Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
