On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
