I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
