definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
