Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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