cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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