my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
