Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
