remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
