New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Randomize
