I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need a beard to bite.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
