he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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