Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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