I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize