ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
