Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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