Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
