can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
