Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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