Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
