Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she looked like the before picture.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
