she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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