I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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