I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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