3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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