The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
