i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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