I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
